I have spent ten years of my life assuming there is nothing beyond our material reality. That came about when I was in my early 20’s and wondering how could religion be really what it claims to be when the whole world seems to be so far away form any holiness. It wasn’t an easy matter for me to reject all religions, but that was the only clear honest decision I could make at that time. At the age of 30, while I was wondering in the Austrian Alps, I came across a Jenbach Cemetery. I was in a quiet contemplating mood after having spent almost a month on those fresh mountains.
While I was looking at all those graves, I noticed that some of these dead are actually children who had died very early after their birth. That made me very thoughtful about their life’s purpose. If there is a life’s purpose, then what can theirs be?
Then, out of the blue, I realized that I had never thought of the question of life after death. Considering that religions are all wrong, is there still a sort of life after death which is not related to any religious ideas we had been taught?
Well, that question made me look inside myself and decide to search for an answer in an objective way. Somehow, I felt that I could reach an answer if I am honest enough with myself and open enough to all possibilities.
I looked at the sky and asked whoever is out there… that if… there is a life after death, then give me a sign to let me know that life after death exists.
I thought to myself that if I get a sign, then I can only confirm to myself that life after death exists. I didn’t ask about any specific sign, and I wasn’t expecting to be given any sign in the first place.
The next day, I was walking around in the beautiful nature of Austria, and the weather couldn’t be any better – the sun was shining and there was absolutely no clouds in the sky.
The weather was extremely importance to me since I was sleeping out under the stars using only my sleeping bag which doesn’t protect me against rain. Any rain at night might mean that I might get too cold to survive the night.
There was a shelter in the park where I can spend the night, but since the weather was very good, I felt no need to walk another hour to get to that shelter. In addition, I prefer to wake up under the sky to feel the calmness of the morning sun. It was almost sunset, and it was getting darker, and I was getting ready to sleep. I lay under a tree to sleep. I felt happy and peaceful.
Now, here is the story! Even though everything around me was supposed to be calm and peaceful, and I was starting to fall asleep, all of a sudden and out of the blue, my heart started pounding and a feeling of being scared has got me.
I was so surprised to be feeling worried about sleeping there that I started questioning my own reason of being scared. I looked at the sky and it was still absolutely clear. I sensed the air, and there was absolutely no wind. The air temperature was also warm, so there was for me absolutely no reason to worry about any upcoming rain. Still, I couldn’t help but feel worried and my heart was pounding for no reason. And suddenly, a flash of (imaginary) light has hit my eyes and I saw a picture in my mind. In this picture, I was walking in the dark under heavy rain on the street. It was all very weird experience and feelings to me. And I have started walking fast to reach the shelter. There was even no reason for me to walk that fast, but I couldn’t control myself.
I am going to describe what happened to me after I started walking fast towards the shelter. You might find it a bit too emotional or not very reasonable. I can only say that you really need to have the same experience to know what it was like for me. Sometimes what you feel is so powerful that it defies any reasons, and it turns out to be the truth at the end. A few minutes after I started walking, it got really dark, and it started raining – heavy rain! Even when I was asking a person to give me some directions, he told me that it was so strange to see it raining now since it was so clear only five minutes ago.
Now, I was walking in the dark, under the rain, and my first intuition was correct. Adding to this, was the moment I saw myself on the same street that had flashed into my eyes about 10 minutes earlier. So, my second intuition was correct, and that was for me a happy moment.
It was probably the most important moment of my life. It was the moment, I felt my question to the sky is being answer with this sign. If there were nothing other than the material reality, such an experience would have been impossible. Adding to this that I have asked the “sky” for the first time ever only three days earlier.
I was wet, freezing in the cold wind, under heavy rain, on a dark street, feeling so miserable physically, but having the most important revelation spiritually. It was a mixed moment when I didn’t know if I should be feeling happy or miserable. But I definitely felt more happy than miserable.
The story didn’t end there. It was more than just an answer from the universe confirming that there is something beyond that physical reality. While I was still walking to reach the shelter, I started having difficulties to see anything especially to see my track. And while I was struggling to find my track under my feet, I looked up and suddenly noticed that there is a huge person, extremely huge like bigger than the sky, in front of me, facing me. And I sopped in shock and looked at what I could feel without any doubt to be my God.For few moments, I felt I am in front of God. That was an amazing thing that I will remember my whole life.
A moment later, it started to dawn on me that it is not God, it is just a huge mountain called (Bärenkopf) which literally means the head of the bear. I understood at that moment why it was called so. It looked like a the head of a massive creature to me.With that feeling, I was sure that even me mistaken a mountain for God was a great sign for me that God exists. I actually hate to use the world God since everyone has a different understanding of that word.
In short, I felt that Divine existence which I called God – even though it was a mountain after all.